How to pick a husband: the Hunger Games way

Rona and I (Julie) were talking about how much we need boyfriends: not like we need a NCMO, we just really want a pillow to snuggle with on cold nights and drink hot chocolate with this pillow.

And it would help if the pillow was warm......with abs.......and smelled nice.....and said nice things.....and had minty breath-but not too minty because that could be overpowering....and white teeth.

And also big strong arms would be really nice for this pillow.

So me and Rona went to the store and we were wondering if they sold people. We didn't see any, except for the employees, so it was a disappointment.

At times like these, when it's a Friday night and we don't have dates, we have to wonder when this whole marriage thing is going on. We would like to know so we can plan accordingly.

We've actually already started planning not for Rona's wedding, but how she can decide who to marry. For most girls, it's a feeling deep inside, that you just know the person and you know its right. For the future commander of an army of highly trained lemurs, that just isn't the road to go down.

We've mentioned how Rona is the most likely of us to win the Hunger Games. Well, she needs to meet her match at this sort of match.

The plan is as follows: Rona will get engaged to various people, in fact she's been engaged twice to two people in the last few months, and simultaneously. Technically, her engagement to Michael isn't over yet. See http://therachelus.blogspot.com/2012/10/how-to-calculate-amount-of-ice-cream.html

Then all her suitors will be entered into a Hunger Games, and it will be on national TV. We're thinking either Saturday Night Live, TLC, or Animal Planet. It would be like the Bachelorette, but this would be to the death.

This way, we can find the perfect contender worthy of Rona's presence.

Now I know what you're thinking. That is ridiculous! You can't find love on national TV. Well, my friends who doubt TV, you forget that when you're faced with death in a Hunger Games-like setting, you're screwed to the point where you could just love anyone as long as they give you water and rations.

Plus, Rona's pretty awesome. If she can get lemurs to love her, she must be pretty easy to love, you know?

Now, you wonder how Rona can fall in love with the winner. Well, to start with, lets make a list of the type of person who could win the Hunger Games in the name of Rona's love:

1. Warm-the person has to be alive
2. Abs-the person must be strong to endure to the end
3. Smells nice-Rona really likes the smell of blood, and pine trees.
4. Said nice things-A person battling to the death would say nice things to people because people might kill them if they decide they want to be mean.
5. Had minty breath, but not too minty because that would be overpowering-This is obvious. A resourceful contender would eat natural herbs in order to stay alive.
6.White Teeth-A person must have some healthy canines in order to eat and stay alive.
7. Big Strong Arms-Only a person with big strong arms would be able to win.

Does this criteria sound familiar at all? If not, get a friend to look this blog post over for you and show you what it is you might be missing.

Essentially, as long they are soft and, in Rona's words, "Just as awesome as I am," then it's just as awesome. It's an awesome marriage for you right there.

Comment with any ideas on how they should celebrate their anniversaries.